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5/17/2006 Don't Touch The Gorilla!Now for something a little different, gather around the campfire, while I tell you my tale. Yes, closer... closer.... ew! Not that close, and as for you, I've got a restraining order, so get the hell of my property! Now.
This story is true, it happened to me and is rather frightening.
Listen carefully...
It was a dark and stormless evening, I had been watching television and picking my nose rather vigorously. I practiced my skills at doing nothing, knowing that a future of living with my mother was truely the way to live.
Life was perfect. Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I opened it. Sentances shortened to increase tension.
"Hey Adrian howzit goin'? Hey...I was wondering if I, er..." the friendly neighbour formally known as Bob (can you think of a more creative name?) gestured that he wished to come in.
"Oh, come in, Bob!" I said unashamed of the fact I hadn't showered in two months, "What did you want anyway?"
"You need a shower, man" said Bob rather predictably.
"No s***, Sherlock?" I replied, with lame sarcasm and oh so sweet maturity.
My friend was a frequent traveller who owned a gorilla... a rather eccentric man with many quirks. He sat and stated his case. He would be travelling out of the country, and had a rather odd pet that he needed to be taken care of. (care of, care of, care of)
"That gorilla?! He won't try anything suss will he?" I gasped in shock.
"Nah, nah mate, not at all" replied Bob reassuringly, then his brow became tense and his voice a little uneasy. "I really appreciate you taking care of my gorilla and all while I'm away... but just a word of warning, whatever you do: Don't touch him!" ...and with that, Bob was off.
He brought his gorilla in, my mother wouldn't be pleased when she came home from holdays, no-sirree-Bob! But in walked the goofy, hairy fellow ape. Not all that different from myself, but a hell of a lot stronger and larger.
The incredibly large gorilla sat on my lounge chair. We spent hours looking into eachothers eyes (not romantically, I swear)... Bob was probably well on his way to a brothel somewhere in New York by now. Suddenly I had this incredible urge, an urge deep within me. Why wasn't I meant to touch the monsterous gorilla?
Two days passed, and I fed him from a distance as instructed, but eventually my curiosity was starting to get the better of me... stupidity grasped me firmly.
"I'm going to poke you, you little snot! Hah!" those words were my first mistake, the second was walking over to where the creature sat, reaching out an arm... outstretched, and just gently... "Poke!"
There was no more goofy grin, the animal frowned fearcely, his eyes glowed a radiant red. His face showed very, very deep hatred and anger. I was screwed. I shouldn't have touched him, why did I do it again? Damn you, conscience! There was no time for thought now, that gorilla was damned pissed off at me, I had to run for my life before he'd tear me limb from limb.
I ran. Straight across the loungeroom, quickly to the spare bedroom. I listened to chairs, a table, and glass being smashed and upturned. That thing was destroying my house in blind rage! The door of the bedroom I hid in was immediately ripped off it's hinges.
I darted past the muscley ape, I was literally fearing my life. It was horrible, I rushed back towards the other end of the house, I could see the damage that he'd started to wreak. "Please don't let me die" I prayed, desperately.
I spyed a loose floorboard, beneath a torn piece of carpet, perhaps I could sneak through and get underneath the house - I'd be safe! I looked for where havoc was continuing, he was on the search for me, he wanted me dead. Quickly (and uncoordinatedly) I pushed my way between the boards, my head was the last thing to slip through, I hoped only that I hadn't been spotted.
Within complete darkness...
Strong, heavy footsteps above me wandered around. He was more mad than before, stomping around; keen to find and kill me. A loud crack was heard, he'd found that weak board and I felt him pounding with a large fist down against my flimsy shelter. Dust and woodchips were sprinkling. A massive fist reached right through the planks of wood with a gigantic punch! The hand grabbed hold of the freshly smashed opening, and ripped it right off and into the air...
I stood before the gorilla now. As he beat his chest, there I was deep within the dark corner, uncovered, but trapped! His hand slowly reached down towards me, down, further and further. Sweat poured down my temple. His palm opened as his firey red eyes glared into mine. I couldn't look away, his hand touched my shoulder. And the beast said cheerfully with a large grin...
"Tip! You're in!"
[End]
Email if you wish to contact me for whatever reason.
That's a pretty good story to tell when people are telling their pointless "ghost stories", Comments are turned on for anyone who wishes to write something creative. Comments (12)
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